Amour Masculin
by witchofdanight1316
Summary: Yuki's sick, in more ways then one. Shuichi wants to help, but doesn't know how! Watch how Yuki tries to heal with mental illness,discrimination, and an un-wanted love triangle?
1. sick

Yuki's P

Yes this is my first Gravitation fic; I'm new at this particular thing, so be nice if I happen to make a mistake. I've only been into Gravitation for less than a month now, but I have watched all the episodes, including the OVT, and I am reading the mangas now. I know quite a bit for a noob. Including the fact that Ryoichi is 30 and acts like a 5 year old… yeah that was something that really weirded me out.

**Amour Masculin**

Yuki's P.O.V.

"Yuki! Wake Up! Common!" I let out a groan as i let out a groan as I wrapped my pillow around my head, trying to block out the sunlight coming from the window outside. Or maybe it was Shuichi's yelling I was trying to muffle out. Damn brat.

"Yuki! You promised! You promised after you were done with your new book we'd go out into the city and you'd help me pick a new costume for next concert!" His hands were on my back now, shaking me. I groaned into the mattress again.

"Go away." I muttered. No way in hell was I getting out of bed.

"No way." He replied simply. A few more minutes of this, and I finally gave up. I stumbled out of my bed and groggily made my way into the bathroom muttering obscenities with the brat close at my heels. He sat on the edge of the tub while I turned on the sink.

"What time is it?" I asked, splashing cold water on my face.

"9:30 you didn't stop writing until really late last night so I wanted you to sleep in, but I wanted to beat the crowds to the city."

"9:30… That means I got maybe…5 hours of sleep last night." I thought out loud to myself.

I've been with Shuichi for a little over a year and a half now. Kind of ironic the great novelist Eiri Yuki would even _know_ Bad Luck's lead singer Shuichi Shindo, let alone be _living_ with him! At first, I found him as just an annoying uninvited house guest, but now I'm so accustomed to him being here. His laundry in the hamper, his shampoo in the shower. It'd feel weird if he was suddenly gone.

Through the reflection in the mirror, I noticed Shuichi's worried expression. His eyes studying me in a way I didn't like.

"What's the problem Shuichi?" I asked, him, reaching for the white towel beside me and starting drying my face,

"It's nothing really. You just look paler then usual, that's all." To this say I wonder why it is he seems to care about me so much. I understood that he loved me, although I don't understand the reason why, but even Romeo and Juliet had their limits to how much crap they could take from each other I'm sure.

"Don't worry about it. It's probably nothing." I picked up my new prescription of anti-depressions and swallowed one dry. Shuichi didn't know I was on these meds and I'd rather he didn't find out for a while. He knows I see a physiatrist, but that's about all he knows about my life outside of the house and my writing career. He nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. He could be so cute sometimes, that damn brat. I turned around and noticed that Shuichi was still in his pajamas: purple boxers and a white tank top.

"Are you going out in public dressed like that? If you are forget about me coming along." I teased. He looked down at his apparel and blushed a deep red. I almost laughed at his embarrassment, and I couldn't help but smile as he nervously sprinted out of then bedroom to change.

"Heh."

Shuichi

Tokyo was mild, compared to most days. Yuki was confronted by at least 6 of his fans before he dragged me into a random store and bought the first pair of sunglasses he found. I already had a pair, so I wasn't as easily recognized. I felt bad for him. Yuki was as famous as I was, probably even more. I should have reminded him to bring his own pair. I kicked myself for the mistake.

My being with Yuki for this long is slowly changing him for the better. He's not as cold as he use to be. When he's content or even just calm, he can be really sweet, but when he's angry look the hell out!

His eyes are a lot softer now, and so are his facial expressions. He smiles a little more, although they are still rare. I really hoped I would be able to help him.

I found some new clothes for the show. Bad luck was doing a joint performance with Nittle Grasper, and I wanted something special for the occasion.

Yuki thinks it's weird that I look up to Ryoichi Sakuma, the lead singer of Nittle Grasper, as my idol. After the first time Yuki meet Ryoichi, he suggested I get a new role model.

"He acts like a child." Yuki had stated.

"I know, but that's one of the best things about him."

"Shuichi, he's a 30 year old man and carries around a stuffed rabbit like it's an actual person."

"I don't look up to him because he's strange, Yuki. I idolize him because of his music and confidence on stage. I want to be that confident like that."

He left me alone after that.

After we finished shopping, we decided to skip lunch to catch a 3:00 movie. It was some kind of epic adventure romance kind of thing that I really got into. But Yuki seemed awfully distracted, I wondered to myself if something was wrong…

Yuki

God my head was killing me. I was weak and dizzy and nauseous. I wasn't sure if Shuichi could tell how I was feeling. It was really dark in the theater and he looked occupied with the movie.

A cold sweat began to dew on my neck and forehead, and a light-headed feeling began to swallow me. Damn I was about ready to pass out.

Maybe passing out in the theater wouldn't be too big of a deal. I could just tell Shuichi I fell asleep during the movie. Like he had said, I had crashed late the night before…

The end credits suddenly rolled, and the lights began to glow on before I could finish my thought.

"Damn" I muttered. Now I had to walk home, but I didn't think I could make it.

When we stepped out of the theatre, Shuichi got a good look at me.

"Yuki? Are you feeling alright? Do you want me to call a cab?" Too disoriented to really say anything coherent, I nodded slightly and muttered a slight "yea". Through my hazy vision, I saw Shuichi's worried expression as he left my side to wave a cab over for me. I felt lightheaded and the world around me began to spin. What the hell was wrong with me?! I felt my knees give out from beneath me, and I heard Shuichi call out my name. Then everything went black…

Shuichi

Yuki didn't look good at all. He looked pale, and about to throw up. Maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to try and make him walk all the way home like that.

"Yuki? Are you feeling alright? Do you want me to call a cab?" I expected him to say no, to insist he was able to walk home by himself and I would have to try and force him into a cab. But instead, he just nodded weakly.

"Y…yea." I nodded, knowing perfectly well how concerned I must have looked as I reluctantly left Yuki's side to wave a taxi over. He started swaying and I tried to hurry.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Yuki collapse onto the pavement. I couldn't help but scream.

"YUKI!!"


	2. Problem

Amour Masculin

**Amour Masculin**

Chapter 2

Completely forgetting about the taxi, I rushed to Yuki's side. He was face down on the ground, and not moving at all. I turned him over and found a bleeding gash to his right temple. He must have hit the ground hard, I thought. I tried to support him on my lap, putting his head on my shoulder. People all around had stopped in their tracks and were staring idiotically.

"Don't just stand there!" I yelled. "Call an ambulance! Hurry up!"

They did.

A white ambulance drove up and took Yuki out of my arms and into a stretcher. At first, the E.M.

T's wouldn't let me come in with them, but after a bit of convincing and them realizing who I was, they let me in. The press was suddenly around the ambulance, and the EMTs had a difficult time trying to get through without hitting anyone. This really pissed me off. How the hell did they find out about this so quickly? The EMT's tried to hide us, but they still managed to get in several photos. Oh man, Yuki was going to be so mad!

Eventually we managed to weave through the press and sped off on our way to the hospital. Some of the reporters tried to follow us, but we were safe for the time being. The EMT members started checking his vitals.

"Heartbeat 80 over 120 irregular" One of the men said.

"Pulse 60 per minute"

The man who took Yuki's heartbeat pulled out a small flashlight and flashed it into Yuki's forced open eyes.

"Possible concussion." He stated simply. I was taken aback. Concussion? How hard did Yuki fall anyway?

For a brief moment, Yuki regained consciousness. He groaned in pain and opened his eyes and squeezed my hand.

"Shu…ichi…" he whispered. I gasped and leaned in closer to hear him better over the ambulance sirens.

"I'm right here." I told him, squeezing his hand back in emphasis.

"Stay… Stay with me…" he shut his eyes and his hand went limp again.

"Yuki... "I muttered, surprised. Yuki had never sounded so… _needy_ before. It was weird, he sounded scared, like that time Aizawa from ASK came and threatened Yuki in his own apartment. Yuki had started crying when he realized what Aizawa had done to me. I hated seeing him like that.

We arrived at the hospital and it was like someone pressed the fast-forward button. It felt like everything was going too fast, first the ambulance doors opening, the press trying to get in a good shot, me rushing to be with Yuki down the hall of the hospital, all of it way too fast. Everyone was rushing around; I had a hard time keeping up with the doctors. Everything around me may have felt like it was sped up, but I felt like I myself was in slow motion.

I tried to follow Yuki into the emergency room, but I was suddenly stopped by a doctor.

"Are you with the young man who's going into examination right now?" I nodded.

"Well, yeah. My name is Shuichi Shindo, and his is Eiri Yu… Uesugi. I was with him when he passed out."

The doctor looked down at his clipboard, then at me.

"I see. " He flipped a page on the clipboard.

"Was Mr. Uesugi on any kind of medication?" I thought about it for a moment.

"Yeah, I think so. Every once in a while he comes home with a pharmacy bag, but I don't know what it is or what he's taking."

"What is your relationship with Mr. Uesugi?" I was startled by the question, so I didn't say anything at first. How could I possibly explain such a complicated relationship to a doctor?

When I didn't answer right away, the doctor started to get impatient.

"Well? Friend? Classmate? A roommate? A brother...?"

"Boyfriend." I finally said. There. No chance of going back now. The doctor tried to hide his disgusted expression, though I really don't think he was trying very hard.

Great, another homophobe. He cleared his throat.

"I see." He repeated.

"I'll have a nurse come and let you know when Mr. Uesugi is stable." He turned around suddenly, and walked away quickly.

I couldn't help but let out a small frustrated groan. Yuki and I have suffered a lot of discrimination, especially sense we were in the public eye. Sometimes the tabloids would leave us alone, or even encourage us, but sometimes it got so bad that I would have to go bail Yuki out of jail for beating the crap out of the reporters who had wrote the slander. The people at the police station were familiar with us now.

'_Maybe it's the stress again. Last time it got this bad, he coughed up blood. This time, maybe…'_

I pondered it for a while, sitting in the waiting room, taping my foot to "The Rage Beat" as it played in my head. It must have been at least an hour before I heard my cell phone ring. "Shining Collection" By Nittle Grasper, a song that Yuki had writer for me and that Ryoichi sang not too long ago, played from my phone. I picked it up and looked at the caller I.D. It was Hiro.

"Yeah hello?"

"Shuichi, its Hiro. Can you come down to NG for a bit? Toma said he had something important to talk to us about."

"I can't. Yuki's in the hospital and I can't…"

"Oh, it's on the news right now. What happened? They're suggesting drugs."

"What!? Put the phone up to the phone up to the TV right now!" Hiro obeyed.

This is what I heard:

"Just an hour ago, Great novelist Eiri Yuki was picked up in an ambulance outside of Howashikowa Theater after _passing out_. No one is sure why Mr. Yuki passed out, but rumors are already starting to spread saying he overdosed on some kind of drug. Shuichi Shindo, lead singer of the hit band "Bad Luck" and also rumored to be Mr. Yuki's homosexual partner, was at the scene. Mr. Shindo was unable to give us a comment, but we hope to have one before the week is out."

There was a muffled sound, and Hiro's voice came back. I was too stunned to speak.

"Their showing video clips of Mr. Yuki getting loaded into an ambulance and your there with him. He didn't really overdose did he?"

"Hell No! Hiro you know Yuki! You know he wouldn't do anything like that!"

"No I don't know! I've only talked to the guy maybe three times! And great writers have been known to get into stuff like that."

"This isn't Edgar Allen Poe we're talking about! This is Yuki! Don't try to stereotype him just because he's a writer!"

"Calm down Shu! All I was trying to say is that he's already a smoker and an alcoholic. Who's to say he hasn't or won't get into something else?"

I didn't try to comprehend this new possibility. Yuki on drugs? No way. What would he be on anyway? Crack? No. Pot? Maybe. No, I really couldn't think of any…

I remembered that morning, how Yuki had taken a pill from a prescription bottle in the medicine cabinet. How I never saw the label…

"Pills?" I whispered. No. How could I have missed that?

"_Maybe he had to take them" _ I thought to myself. _"Like doctors orders. But why? Is he sick?" _I had to know now.

"Shuichi, are you still there? Shu I'm sorry. You know I'm only concerned about how this is going to affect you…" I finally responded, kind of quiet because I was a bit out of it.

"I know Hiro. I have to go now."

"Shuichi wait"

Click, I snapped the phone shut, hanging up the call.

Yuki on drugs. I couldn't believe that.

"Get a hold of yourself Shuichi." I thought to myself. "Your letting the presses twisted lies get to you head. Yuki's not on dru-"

"Mr. Shindo?" A really cute nurse came up to me. I had to admit she was good looking. Long raven hair and a pretty smile. She was way too young to be working here. She must have been what? 17?

"Mr. Uesugi is stable, and he's asking for you." I brightened up instantly. Yuki's awake! And he wants to see me!

I followed the nurse, who was an American, I learned later, and she was learning Japanese and was taking collage courses. She was really good at Japanese, but every so often something in English would slip out. Yuki always told me my English sucked, and I knew it did. After talking to the nurse, now I know her as Rebecca, I gave her my autograph and she brought me to Yuki's room, and then quickly left to go help someone who had just arrived in the ER. I was about to enter Yuki's room, when I heard talking. I peeked inside. The doctor that had talked to me earlier was there, talking to Yuki.

"I called your therapist. He said you were suffering from PTSD, and had prescribed you some antidepressants. But we also found strong pain medication in your system too. It reacted badly with your antidepressants. Why are you taking…" The doctor looked at that clipboard again. "550 Milligrams of Oxycodone?"

Yuki looked away, now I was able to see the large white bandage on his right temple.

"I messed up my knee about 2 weeks ago falling down a flight of stairs. That was to help me get around without a limp."

"Didn't your normal doctor know that this would react with your other meds in a negative way? You could have died today if your… friend hadn't been there for you."

"I never told the doctor about my other meds."

"Why not?"

"Didn't think it was any of his business, and it didn't seem important."

"Well it was. Next time, don't keep such important information from your physician. Got it?"

"Yes doctor."

"Your friend should be here any minute; I need to go check on my other patients. No funny business, got it Mr. Uesugi?"

"Whatever." I could tell the doctor scowled as he stormed out, not even noticing me in the hallway.

"I know you out there brat." Yuki said in a low voice. I gulped, and I knew I was caught. I took a deep breath, and I walked into the room. Yuki looked at me the way he always did; cold yet curious. I stepped towards the bed.

"Yuki, why didn't you tell me you fell down a flight of stairs 2 weeks ago?" he looked out the window with no interest.

"Because I didn't."

"But you said to the…" Yuki looked back at me.

"I lied." I sat on the foot of the bed, looking at Yuki with concern.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want the doctor to call the cops on me and label me a druggie." I sat back. Hiro was right; Yuki was on drugs.

"Why are you taking those pain meds?" I asked.

"Because I'm in pain."

"Why didn't you just tell the doctor that?"

"Because it's not the kind of pain that doctor prescribes pain killers for." I didn't know what to say. I was hoping that what Hiro had suggested was a lie; that it was just tabloid garbage. But it wasn't.

I knew Yuki was in a lot of mental and emotional pain. I didn't know all the details, but apparently Toma had hired a tutor for Yuki while Yuki was living in America in New York. Kitazawa, his name was, was paid by a bunch of thugs to… use Yuki for sex. They raped him, and then Yuki somehow got a hold of one of the thug's guns and shot and killed them all, including Kitazawa. It was self defense, so Yuki was let off without a jail sentence. Yuki was only 16 when it happened.

I put my hand over Yuki's, trying to silently comfort him.

"Yuki, are you addicted to those pills?" I asked, trying to show him I fully trusted him. I'm sure he knew, but I wanted to remind him. Yuki looked away, and remained silent.

"Yuki, the first step to getting better is to admit you have a problem. If you don't then you'll never…"

"Yes." He interrupted me. That was probably as good of a confession as I was going to get. I moved closer to him.

"I'll cover for you for now, and I'll help you at home. But you have to promise that you'll try and kick this habit."

"Sure, whatever." Okay now I was getting pissed off. He could at least try to care that he had a serious problem.

"Yuki I need a real…" His hands were suddenly cupping my face, and he was close, we were maybe 2 inches apart.

"I promise I'll try. Is that good enough for you?" If he was trying to charm me it worked, I was smitten and had almost forgotten about what I was thinking about. He was too good at that. Yuki smirked, and I knew he thought he had won. I snapped myself out of my daze and looked at him seriously.

"I mean it Yuki. One slip up and I will get you professional help." I could tell for about a split second that he was surprised I could think straight after he tried to charm me, but he just let me go.

"I know." He replied simply. I should have been happy that Yuki was willing to accept help, but all I was thinking about was…

What the hell was I going to do?

End of chapter 2. I know wow 6 whole pages! That's amazing for me. You can tell when I have a new idea because I write like it's an addiction and my binder is stuffed with written scrawl. After this chapter the story might not be typed up as fast as the last two, because, ironically enough, I have more time to type at school then at home. Weird huh? I'm hoping to have the next chapter up really soon. And as for my other stories, I will get to them as soon as I get off my lazy ass and start writing more of it. Baby I'm back and better than ever!!

R&R Please!

Mariah 


	3. Rehab sucks

-1**Amour Masculin**

Chapter 3

Shuichi

Yuki was allowed to leave two days later. I thought that after not hearing anything for 3 days, the press would drop the story like a lead rock. But no. There they were, all day everyday, harassing the paramedics and anyone they could shove a microphone in their face and get away with it. Luckily, only Yuki and I knew about Yuki's "Problem", and there was no way in hell that either of us would leak it to the media.

Leaving was a big issue. The paparazzi were crowding every entrance and exit. And even some of the windows. How the hell were we going to get out without being mauled?

Luckily, the doctors and I came up with an idea… We managed to talk the three paramedics that drove us to the hospital to drive us out in the back. They would have the lights and sirens on, like there was an emergency, so the reporters would have to let them go through, then, they'd just drop us off at our house, and the press would have no idea. I was a good plan, and it worked like a charm.

We slipped by perfectly. And to make it even better, not a single person was at the house. I couldn't help but feel really sneaky as we quietly walked inside and shut the door behind us and locked it. I let out a small maniacal laugh and Yuki roiled his eyes at me. I turned around and faced Yuki, now with a determined and serious look on my face.

"Okay Yuki. Show me where you keep them." He looked at me confused.

"Show me where you keep the pills."

Yuki

I can't believe I was so stupid.

I never normally took my antidepressants and the pain killer at the same time; I knew damn well what it did to me. But I needed it really bad that morning, and I just thought it wouldn't end up being too bad. I thought I'd be nauseous, but I'd be relaxed. I had forgotten that my shrink had altered my dosage the day before, and that screwed up my estimation.

I knew that Shuichi was really upset when he found out. Had he honestly thought I was okay after everything I went through in my life? I felt weird showing Shuichi to the medicine cabinet and watching him take out the 2 bottles of Oxycodone and place them on the sink. I was so guilty for making Shuichi make that face.

"I'm sorry Shuichi." I whispered. If only he knew. He sighed and just kept looking at the bottle before turning around.

"It's alright Yuki. We all have something that we have to deal with. Now what should I do with this junk."

He looked around the bathroom before laying his eyes on the solution.

"Ah ha!" he opened the orange bottle and poured the contents into the toilet… It took all my strength to keep me from pushing Shuichi away and fishing the pills from the toilet. But Shuichi was right; I did have a problem. And it was my job to make it right.

He poured the second bottle's contents along with the first. This just sucked. How come I was the only one who had to quit? I knew Tatsuha had been smoking pot for the past 4 years and no one had bothered to stop _him_. My head started to hurt.

"I'm going to go to bed." I said, and started walking out of the bathroom.

"...Alright, you need your sleep." He whispered. Man no one knew how to unconsciously send someone on a guilt trip like that pink-haired brat.

I don't know how long I'd slept. I knew it couldn't have been wrong because I wasn't groggy when I had awoken. I heard the front door open and close, so I got up and headed into the kitchen to see Shuichi placing a plastic bag onto the counter. He noticed me and looked over with a cheerful smile.

"Hey there sleepyhead. How do you feel?" He asked. I walked over to the counter.

"Like shit. How long was I out?" I opened the plastic bag.

"Only about an hour. Long enough for me to go get some things." I started pulling out the contents of the bag and onto the counter. Strawberry poky, nicotine patches and gum, and some forms.

"What's all this?" I asked. Shuichi started filling a pot of water.

"Well, I've been thinking. Yuki, I don't want to lose you because of your bad habits. The smoking, the drinking, the pills, threw slowly taking you away from me."

I didn't know how to respond.

"Shuichi…"

"So I've decide. While I'm helping you off your pill addiction…" He turned around to give me a huge creepy smile.

"I'm going to get you off the drinking and smoking too!"

Say what? No way in hell, was all I was thinking. I mean, I knew Shuichi was trying to help but…

"No chance." I said, and I saw his face fall. I felt badly for putting Shuichi down, I always did, but I had almost no control of my words or actions when I was angry or upset. I try to make it up to him later but it always ended up happening again. A damn cycle that I had no control of breaking.

"But… But Yuki! You have to understand, what you're doing isn't healthy. It could kill you some day! You have to understand where I'm coming from-"

"I do understand." I explained, pulling a cigarette from my shirt pocket and putting it in my mouth. I started searching my pants for a lighter. As I searched, I talked around the butt in my mouth.

"This is why I'm saying no." Suddenly, the butt was gone. I looked over to see it clutched in Shuichi's grubby hand. Did he really want to get kicked out again?

He held it high above his head, like he was trying to prove something. If he was I assume it would be along the lines of "I like to annoy my boyfriend to the point of insanity and I still get confused and hurt when he kicks me out of the house."

"Sorry Yuki, but this time, I decide." And then, he crushed my cigarette.

Shuichi

Yuki did eventually let me back into the house, and it really was my fault for pissing him off, but I won. He gave him and promised that he would try to lay odd the drugs. Which, coming from Yuki, was as good of an answer as I was going to get.

So while he slept two days later, (After he let me back in) I poured all of his Budweiser down the sink, and threw all of his cigarettes away. They smelt really bad, and I wonder to this day how Yuki could bare to put these in his mouth. And if smoking was supposed to make your mouth smell and taste bad then why did Yuki always taste so sweet? It never made sense to me, but I wasn't complaining.

Of course, I had to sneak into Yuki's study to check for more I may have missed, but that was a forbidden zone. I wasn't allowed in there unless Yuki was already in there, and it was only in the doorway or in the chair next to him. I wanted to respect Yuki's privacy, but I reasoned to myself that this was for Yuki's own good, and I snuck in while he was fast asleep.

I felt super sneaky slipping into Yuki's study; it was a large room, with a bookcase, a desk with Yuki's laptop on it, and an armchair in from of a wooden coffee table. The room was immaculate, which is probably why Yuki didn't want me in there; I knew I was really messy.

I walked over to Yuki's desk and looked at what was on top; pens, and pencils in a red ceramic mug next to a neat stack of typed papers. His new novel probably. His laptop and a calculator. The laptop was sleek and black; it was another thing I wasn't allowed to touch. Yuki's whole life was on that computer, from his personal and business life. He bought me my own a while back after I complained that I could never use his. Now I don't use it much, but I do when I need to.

I opened one of Yuki's drawers. Bingo! A carton of cigarettes rested on top of a red notebook. I grabbed the package, but I noticed something next to it. It was half of the printed stickers we had made on our first date to Odiba Amusement Park, I had the other half. It was a good picture of us, although I wished Yuki would smile more. There was another photograph underneath that, and I placed down the stickers and picked up that instead. At first, I wasn't sure who it was, but then I realized it was Yuki, only a lot younger, and someone else. Yuki looked… happy, and … okay. This must have been before the accident. But who was the other guy in the picture? He had to be at least 20, 25 years old at the most when this was taken. He had light brown hair and a warm smile. He must have been one of Yuki's old friends. I flipped the photo over and found writing on the back.

"Eiri and Yuki, New York City, USA 2002"

My breathing hitched. It was Yuki, and… the other Yuki. The one who betrayed him almost 7 years ago. Why would Yuki keep a picture of this sludge bag in his desk? Why would he have it in the first place? I had no idea. In deep thought, I put everything back where I had found it except for the cigarettes, and left the study; I would think about this again later.

Yuki

I haven't had a dream in over 5 years. After Yuki Kitazawa betrayed me, all I had were nightmares about the ordeal. Then after that, I just didn't dream at all. I forced myself to block out the incident and soon enough, I forgot.

But then Shuichi came out of the blue and triggered something inside of me that forced those memories to come flooding back at a painful rate. It put me through a lot of stress, and Shuichi himself didn't help much. I ended up getting an ulcer and coughing up blood. Tohma freaked and sent me to the hospital. Everyone was really upset. Of course I acted like it was no big deal, like it didn't matter to me, and at the time it didn't. I didn't care what happened to me, but Shuichi did.

I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I could hear Shuichi scurrying around the house, trying so hard to keep quiet for me. He loves me too much, I don't have any idea why, but I guess it doesn't matter. Shuichi's here to stay.

I sat up and immediately felt the room spin. I felt like I had gotten hit by a bus. So this is what rehab fees like.

"Dammit." I stood up, and reached into my shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette. I had told Shuichi I would lay off, not quit.

As I pulled out my lighter to start relieving the my addiction, I saw the sticker Shuichi and I had made on our first date to Odiba Amusement Park. I thought it would just be a pain in my side, but it was actually one of my favorite memories.

Suddenly, I remembered what Shuichi had said earlier that day.

"I don't want to lose you because of your bad habits. They're slowly taking you away from me."

I smiled involuntarily.

"Damn Brat." I muttered, and shut the lighter. Then I pulled the butt from my mouth and threw it into the wastebasket beside my bed.

End of chapter

Yeah, next chapter soon I hope! Please review, I'm beginning to think no one's reading this. mymy


	4. Tension

Chapter 4 "Feeling The Heat"

Shuichi

I wasn't entirely happy with leaving Yuki home alone with the state he was in, but I had already taken a sick day to be with him, adn I really didn't want to get yelled at by Tohma. So I left Yuki a note, and snuck off to N.G. Productions.

The second I got there, I was called into Tohma's office, then I was bombarded with angry questions about what had happened to Yuki.

"What the hell happened?! I turn on the news only to see Eiri being loaded into the back of a bloody ambulance! Say something Shindo!" I knew that Yuki would get chewed out by Tohma if he found out about what had really happened, and with his psyche being in the shape that it was, I figured he wouldn't be able to handle sober. So I tried to stay as close to the truth as i could, while still taking the blame off of Yuki.

I threw my hands up.

"It's not as bad as it looks I swear! Yuki was just taking some new medication that didn't react well with his old ones! He's fine now!" Tohma bashed his fist against the desk, startling me.

"I want him off of that new medication now!"

"He is off of it, don't worry Tohma! Like I said, he's fine now,, don't worry!" The way that Tohma was acting was odd; he was usually so cool- headed and collected, it was weird to see him so angry, not to mention it scared me a bit.

"Don't worry!? DON'T WORRY!?!?! How can you tell me not to worry about him! Eiri's a mess and all you do is make him worse! How can you not worry about him unless you don't care about him at all?!"

That was it; I was pissed

"How dare you!?! I worry about him! I worry about him so often it hurts sometimes! I'm even forcing him to quit drinking and smoking so I can relieve some of this worry! Don't ever tell me that I don't worry or that I don't care! DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!"

Silence... I just yelled at my boss.... Oh man I was sooo fired.

I expected Tohma to freak out; to fire me and get rid of Bad Luck all together and to threaten me to stay away from Yuki once and for all. But he did no such thing. Instead, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly calm.

"You... Got him to quit smoking? Really?" I nodded, taken aback by his sudden calmness.

"Y-yeah. I convinced him it would be in his best interest, so he's been sober 3 days now. He's having a difficult time but at least it's starting to work." He nodded, like he was approving. Like I really needed his approval.

"That's very good Mr. Shindo. I've been trying to get Eiri off the bottle for a while now, I'm surprised he caved in with you." I laughed nervously, knowing perfectly well it had very little to do with me. I quickly excused myself and darted out of the room before Tohma had a chance to get angry again. I joined Hiro and Fugisake, who were tinkering with the keyboards and the other instruments.

"Where have you been Shu?" Hiro had asked. Sugeru seemed too annoyed with my being late to bother to ask; he needed to get laid, big time.

"In Tohma's office. He wanted to know what had happened to Yuki. I had to cut out some parts though, so Yuki wouldn't get in trouble."

"Mr. Yuki needs to be able to fight his own battles, don't you think Shuichi?" Sugeruu asked, moving his keyboard across the room.

"I don't think he can handle it right now actually. He just quit smoking and drinking the other day, and he's been taking it hard." The two of them looked at me, astounded.

"Get out! You got him to quit?" I nodded.

"Yeah but he's taking it hard." Fugisake, seemingly not interested in the conversation too much, left the room, saying something about loose change and a soda machine. I sat on one of the large speakers in the recording room, and Hiro sat beside me.

"What's wrong Shuichi? This is a good thing you doing for Mr. Yuki. Is he not being appreciative about it or something?" I shook my head.

"No. It's just that… I've never seen Yuki like this before. I mean, he seems so weak, and angry and sometimes, I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself… Or somebody else. He looks like he wants to snap! I don't know what to do." I wasn't really sure why I was spilling this, but I liked confiding in Hiro. He always listened to what I needed to get off of my chest, no matter what it was. He always listened completely and gave me advice when he could. He even listened to me talk about Yuki, even though he never approved of how Yuki treated me. I'm not sure what I'd do without him.

"Well, going through rehab is hard. And he's probably going through withdrawal or something. He'll be alright eventually, but you might want to get him a session with a rehab counselor or something."

I nodded.

"Thanks Hiro. That sounds like a good idea."

Hiro

If only Shuichi really knew how I knew so much about rehabilitation.

I was too ashamed to mention it ever to him, and kept it a secret when it was happening, but I knew all about it simply form experience.

I had a heroin addiction back in high school, and it was pretty bad. Shuichi didn't know. I left him in the dark about most of it, because he had enough going through his mind at the time, and I doubt I could have really explained it even if I wanted to. It took me a while, but I eventually got help, and now I don't need it anymore. Sometimes, though, I remember what it felt like, and wish I could have that release again, but I will never go back to that darkness in my life again.

Shuichi stood up, now suddenly full of confidence about his situation, and got ready to start singing. I watched him wondering if this depression that I was feeling was ever going to stop. Would I ever feel the effortless happiness Shuichi felt almost all the time? Would I ever be free of this dark shadow that haunted my very soul? On the outside, I'm just happy-go lucky Hiro, loving Bad Luck and living it up, talking to Ayaka whenever I can; hopelessly in love with her. I do love her, but the rest is all B.S. I wondered if Shuichi would ever understand if I tried to explain…

Yuki

My hands were always shaking, my head felt like it was ripped open with a chainsaw, and to top it all off, I was having nightmares. This fucking sucked ass in the worst way possible. I needed to get lit; Big time. Shuichi still wasn't home, so I figured just one drink wouldn't be such a big deal. I went into my room and got the bottle of sake that I kept hidden under there. Shuichi didn't know about this stash, thank god, and I don't think I ever wanted to tell him. I needed it for situations like this.

I stared at the bottle for a moment, marveling it and beginning to fantasize what awaited me. Just as I was about to pop the top off and enjoy a piece of my personal heaven…

The fucking doorbell rang.

I considered ignoring it, and even started to, but whoever it was, they were obnoxiously persistent. They kept alternating between ringing and knocking. I got annoyed, so I put the bottle on the couch and opened the door.

"Tohma." Damn.

"Hello Eiri." He let himself in, of course. Then sat on the opposite side of my couch that my bottle of sake.

"Mr. Shindo told me he's trying to get you to kick your old habits." He looked down at the bottle of sake and picked it up.

"But it looks like you're not as willing to solve this problem as he is." I took the bottle from him.

"What's your point?"

"What I don't understand is why when I spend 6 years trying to get you off the bottle, and you don't listen at all, but when Shuichi tries once, you give an effort. I don't think that's fair now, is it?" I rolled my eyes. What was he trying to say?

"I'm offended that you would choose a boy like Shindo over me, Eiri, you've only known him for about 2 years…"

"And I've only known you for about 12. Again, what's your point?" I always felt bad about jabbing Shuichi, because I knew that he was only genuinely trying to help me and just loved being with me. But with Tohma, I never know what the hell is going through his head 90% of the time. He pissed me off something fierce. I didn't know what to do with him.

"Why are you here Tohma?" I asked. He was such a nuisance; I just wanted him to leave me alone for once in his damn life.

"To check on you of course. You're always such a mess Eiri, and I know that this will be extremely difficult for you."

Yeah but he didn't have to remind me. I decided that he obviously wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon, so I sat down beside him, and sighed.

"Just leave us alone, Seguchi, this is none of your business. Christ, even Mika doesn't interfere as often as you've been known to."

"I only do this because I care about you Eiri, and I'm concerned about you. After everything we went through together you'd think that you…"

"We didn't go through anything together, Seguchi. That was all me. You didn't suffer the same way I did. I appreciated what you did for me 7 years ago, but you have to remember it was just that; 7 years ago. It's over; done. I'm over it and you should be too." Lies, of course, but I wanted Tohma out of my house and maybe, out of my life completely. He looked crushed, like I had just destroyed his spirit. He stood up.

"I see. Well Eiri, if that's the way you feel, then I guess I have no choice but to accept it as well. I should be going." Then he stood up, and walked out the door. Only after I left a dent in the wall from frustration that I realized…

That son of a bitch took my freaking Sake!

End of chapter

Ok… maybe with that last line I was trying to be ironic. And that odd thing with Hiro, that was not randomly placed there, it should make sense later on in the story I hope…

Review please!

mymy


	5. Rejection and Acception

I've decide to change the rating to this from T to M, mostly for this chapter, and some other things that I'm planning to do later on in the story. I doubt this will really get in anyone's way, but I just wanted to announce it.

Now on with the chapter!

Mymy

Chapter 5

More Tension

Shuichi

Rehearsal was average; I was kind of hoping something interesting would happen to get my mind off of Tohma and Yuki. But no, nothing. I didn't see Tohma for the rest of the day either.

As I was heading home for the day, I stopped at the soda machine to get something to drink as I walked, and I ran into my idol and friend, Ryuichi Sakuma. He was buying something from the machine as well, Mr. Bear strapped to his side. He looked over and smiled when he saw me.

"Shuichi! La Di Da! What's up?!" I smiled. Ryuichi reminded me that I always had something to smile about, even if I couldn't think of one.

"Nothing really." I responded, putting my money into the machine. I didn't notice Ryuichi's face change from happy-go-lucky to that rare seriousness he has briefly on stage.

"I heard about Yuki, Shuichi." He said. I didn't think much of it; at this point I thought that everyone had heard of it at that point; it was all over the news, but it had so many gaps in the story that it just seemed like it was made up. I wasn't too worried.

"Yeah, it's not as bad as the press made it out to be. He's kicking his drug…"

"Tohma told me."

"Oh… Well then you know already." I let out a nervous laugh; I wasn't used to Ryuichi acting his age, and I started running my mouth. "Why am I being so stupid? I shouldn't be talking to anyone about this, and here I am, telling everybody who asks. It's not even technically my business! I'm such an idiot." He frowned at me. Did I say something wrong?

"Shuichi, you shouldn't say things like that about yourself."

"Well its true, that's how I've been acting and…" He shook his head.

"No Shuichi, you're wrong. You're not stupid at all. Did Yuki tell you that?" I didn't like where this conversation was going.

"A few times…" I admitted.

"He doesn't deserve you, you know that right? He abuses you and takes advantage of how you feel for him. He should feel lucky and grateful, but as far as I can see, he just keeps messing with you."

I was taken aback. I was going to interrupt, but he kept going. For a moment, I didn't think this was the Ryuichi I knew.

"If you don't do something about him, he's just going to keep pushing you. He'll keep taking until there's nothing left." He stepped forward, towards me, and put his hand on my cheek. I was so startled by his behavior that I was frozen by his touch.

"I don't want to see that happen to you Shuichi. I could treat you 100 times better then he could on his best day. I would hold your hand and give you respect and leave your dignity intact. I should have taken you from him a long time ago."

He leaned forward and kissed me gently on the cheek, then turned around, and walked away. I put my hand to the kissed cheek, my mind racing erratically. Where the hell did that come from??? That wasn't normal Ryuichi behavior. He has his moments, sure. But never anything like that. I face felt hot, and I realized I had dropped my change. I wanted to get it, but I didn't have the will to reach down and pick it up; I was so confused.

At that point, I think I was on auto-pilot or something, because next thing I knew, I was in front of Yuki's door, and I saw Tohma leaving the apartment, with a crushed look on his face, and something bulky in his jacket. He didn't even notice me, which was good because I didn't want to talk to him anyway.

But by the look on his face I assumed something must have happened between Yuki and him. I was worried, so I hurried up to the apartment, only to find Yuki sitting in front of the T.V. calm, quiet, and not smoking.

I breathed a sigh of relief; maybe I was just imagining Tohma's face. This wouldn't be the first time my imagination ran away with me.

"Yuki I'm home! I said, he turned to face me."

"Shuichi." He acknowledged, without turning around. I was glad, because I didn't want him to see my face; a worried, confused, sad face. It would be enough to make even Yuki concerned. I went into the bathroom, started up the shower and got in. I needed to think, and this was one of the best ways I knew how to relax.

I wrapped one of Yuki's fuzzy purple towels around my waist and quietly left the bathroom, silently debating what I was going to do with the situation I was in. I stood by the bed, looking at a picture of Yuki and I on the bed stand; I had to bitch and moan for weeks before he would let me put it there. It was taken on our one-year anniversary, and Yuki even had a small smile on his face. The only perfect picture in my opinion.

I felt Yuki's arms snake around my waist and his mouth near my ear. Normally, I'd be thrilled for his good mood, but at that time I was too confused to get into it. I was on the brink of tears when I finally said:

"Yuki… Can we… Not do this today? I'm not in the mood." He looked shocked, and even a bit hurt for a moment. I felt bad. I was going to punk out, and do it for him, but he let me go.

"Fine." He stated simply, and left the room with his hands in his pockets. Regret and guilt hit me harder than a wrecking ball, and involuntary tears spilled onto my cheeks.

I crawled into our bed, and snuggled against Yuki's pillow, comforted in his sent. I love Yuki; I always have and I always want to. But after what happened with Ryuichi, I wasn't sure what to think anymore.

Yuki

I still can't believe I was rejected by _Shuichi!_ He can't resist me! No way in hell! I was so angry. Rejection never sat well with me. I decided to go start a new book, just to have something to do. Hey, maybe it can be a best seller. So I sat at my desk, opened up a new document on my laptop and… sat there.

"This rehab thing is making me feel horrible."

"Damn." I muttered. I couldn't think of anything. Why now of all times do I have to get writers block?! I pushed my laptop away and placed my head on the desk. I didn't fall asleep until 3 am.

End of chapter

Ok the end was kind of filler, but it had some significance. I wanted to show how everything that is going on is starting to affect Shuichi's and Yuki's relationship. And what does Ryuichi have planned? Stay tuned and review please!

mymy


	6. Kindness

-1Chapter 6

Yuki

When I opened my eyes, I saw red.

Then I quickly realized it was just a red thermos in front of my face.

I was still at my desk, but a pillow was under my head and a blanket was over my shoulders. Noon sunlight poured through my windows. I sat up and opened the thermos. Black coffee, the way I liked it. The way only Shuichi and I knew how to make. My laptop had a message typed on an empty document

Yuki,

Going to work. Take it easy.

Be home around 4,

Love,

Shuichi : )

I couldn't help but smirk. Shuichi…

My phone started ringing, much to my dismay.

'It's probably Tohma.' I figured. Checking up on me. I answered.

"Yeah, what is it?"

I didn't recognize the voice.

You don't deserve him, do you know that?"

"Huh? Who is this?"

"You better hold on to him tight. He's not going to be yours for much longer.

Click.

Whoever that was, they hung up. What the hell was that?! A crank call? I didn't know and I didn't care. I gathered up the blanket and pillow and moved to the couch, and tried to forget.

Shuichi

My eyes were stil wet when I woke up. I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to see Ryuichi until I had sorted everything out in my head. What happened the night before was way too confusing for me. I even considered calling in sick that day, but we were starting our new C.D. today, and I couldn't miss work if I tried. Mr. K would probably shoot me and make me sing afterwards, knowing him. I got dressed and realized Yuki wasn't in bed. I found him hunched over at his desk, sleeping like a log.

I decided I'd try and make him comfortable. I put a pillow under his head, a blanket over his shoulder and some coffee for when he wakes up. It was funny; Whenever Yuki crashed, even an atomic bomb couldn't wake him up. His laptop was on and a blank document was up, so I typed him a small message and headed out to work.

"What do you mean an English CD?!?" Hiro, Fugisaki and I all said in unison to Mr. Sakano.

"How can we do that? Shuichi's horrible at English and you know that!" Hiro said. Fugisaki agreed.

"Not so much anymore. Shuichi's been taking classes. Haven't you Shuichi?" Mr. Sakano said, looking at me. I nodded, though I had skipped my last one due to Yuki.

"He's still a beginner! How do you expect us to do an entire CD in English?" Hiro asked. Our producer just shrugged nervously.

"Look I don't know but Mr. Seguchi said it would be a good idea to expand Bad Luck's music and English is the world's most common language so…"

"I don't think it'll work Mr. Sakano. Shuichi-" Fugisaki started, but I interrupted him.

"No, Don't worry about it guys. I'll try and do this, ok?" They all paused, and nodded.

Mr. Sakano nodded as well, and smiled.

"That's great Shuichi. We just need you to write a song, and I'll have it translated for you to sing.

I nodded as well, and looked at the clock. About 1:00.

"I'm taking a break." I told the other, and went to the recording table to grab my cell phone; I had put it there when he started recording. I found it missing.

"Hey has anyone seen my phone?" I asked, everyone shook their heads. I scratched mone, and thought back, thinking I had left it somewhere else and forgot.

"Na No Da!" Ryuichi screamed from out of nowhere. I turned around to see him standing there holding out my cell phone to me.

"Thanks Shuichi! I had to make a phone call! Mr. Bear said thanks too!" I almost breathed a sigh of relief, seeing Ryuichi's behavior back to normal, but then I saw a devilish look in his eyes as he left, and I thought differently.

Tohma

I was still fuming from the night before that next day. How could Eiri choose Shuichi over me?! I had taken care of him for so long, did so much to help him, and he just drops me without thinking twice!

I told Mr. Sakano to make Shuichi do an English album. Mean, I know but this was my only way to get back at Shuichi. It was childish, but I didn't care at this point. I wanted Shuichi away. Far away.

An idea struck me.

I knew what I had to do.

To be continued


End file.
